Direct answer: Consulting frustration is real when you shift from being the expert to being the client. You know your industry cold. Now you take advice instead of giving it. Reconcile what you know with what the advisor knows — get multiple opinions.
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The Role Reversal Nobody Warned You About
Business owners, entrepreneurs, and practitioners are used to being the ones with the answers. You know your industry cold. You have been the one everyone calls at 3am with problems. You have been the expert for 20, 30, 40, or 50 years. Then something shifts. You need to sell your business, or scale it, or restructure it — and suddenly you are hiring a consultant, advisor, coach, friend of a friend, attorney, CPA, or tax attorney because they know more than you do about this specific decision.
This can be frustrating. You are not used to being on the receiving end. You are used to giving directives and advice. Now you are taking directives and taking advice. The mind is not made to easily flip in this direction. Recognizing that the frustration is structural — not personal, not because your advisor is bad — is the first step to working through it productively.
Why This Frustration Is Universal
This is the same on the other side of the table for anyone. Anytime you engage a consultant or an advisor, even those who tell you they do not have an ego — they do. Everybody has some type of ego. Business owners who have run companies for decades have particularly strong opinions about how things should be done.
The frustration lives in two directions:
- You know a lot of stuff too, and it feels dismissive to sit and be told things
- You do not know this specific stuff, which is why you hired them in the first place
Both realities are true simultaneously. That tension is where the frustration comes from. Naming it makes it easier to work with.
The Home Selling Example
I have sold a home in the past. Real estate agents are different than commercial real estate agents. Some know their stuff, which is great. Some do not. When they do not, boy, this is frustrating. When it is a friend of a friend, you are trying to work through it and have them not lose face. You try to work through the process. You get more frustrated over time.
The dynamic is the same in business advisory. Some advisors know exactly what they are doing and add real value. Some know less than they let on. Some know the general playbook but not the specifics of your situation. When you are the client and you can tell the difference, the frustration is real and legitimate.
The Business Selling Example
I was once selling a business with an advisor. The advisor knew a lot. But he was constantly questioning my decisions. He would say — that is not something I have done before, Scott. That is fine with me — because I had done a lot of the work before I hired him. His limitation was not the whole picture.
He got upset. He was an advisor with limitations who thought his word was gospel. It was not. That is very different than a tax attorney who can throw a book at you and say — this is wrong, this is what the law says. Or an attorney working through legal reasons on a specific clause. Those advisors have specific authority. General advisors sometimes want their ego stroked and say things that are not in your best interest — or do not want you making a decision because it is not the decision they would have made.
For related context on when to fire an advisor who is more concerned with their own preferences than yours, see the five times to fire your advisor mid-deal.
The Consultant Is Your Consultant — Not Your Boss
Here is the core reframe. The consultant is your consultant. You are paying them for advice, coaching, and hopefully expertise. Look for whether they are willing to grow with you as your engagement matures. Or is it their way or the highway?
It is not always about the consultant’s ego and their expertise. Sometimes it is about you and your existing knowledge. You have to reconcile what you know with what the consultant is telling you. Sometimes you will know more than they do about a specific angle. Sometimes they will know more than you do about a specific mechanism. You have to balance both sides because you are taking in a lot of information you may not want to hear, or may want to disagree with.
For the framework on selecting the right advisor upfront to avoid this reconciliation problem, see before you hire an advisor or consultant, understand this one rule.
Get Multiple Opinions On Major Decisions
Especially if you are making a giant financial decision — or a really impactful decision — talk to more than one consultant or advisor. Get multiple opinions when the consequences are large.
The reason: consultants and advisors are limited in what they know. One advisor’s confident answer may be another advisor’s obvious mistake. On decisions where the downside is significant, running the same question past two or three qualified professionals reduces the risk that a single perspective steers you wrong.
Multiple opinions also help you distinguish between:
- Decisions where the professionals are aligned — likely safe to proceed
- Decisions where the professionals disagree — likely worth deeper work before committing
- Decisions where you actually know more than the professionals — worth trusting your operator judgment
The Gray Area — Sometimes You Do Not Get The Whole Truth
There is a gray area to be aware of. Sometimes consultants and advisors do not tell you the whole truth. Sometimes they do not want you to know something. Sometimes they do not want you to make a different decision.
Sometimes they do want to work with you and are willing to grow with you. Sometimes they say “I am not sure” honestly. Sometimes they say “this is the way it should be” without acknowledging that legitimate alternatives exist.
Sometimes it comes down to interpretation of law, of contract, of standard practice. The way this contract is written can be interpreted a couple of different ways. Or — I have seen it done this way, but I have also seen it done this way. You have to trust the person you are working with. Just like you trust me when you are reading this.
For related context on the legal boundaries advisors operate inside, particularly around NDAs and previous clients, see the closing section of the five times to fire your advisor mid-deal.
The 3am Flip That Reveals Everything
Here is the specific role-reversal dynamic that most owners feel most acutely. Been called at 3am for problems? You know that pattern intimately. Employee crisis. Customer emergency. Vendor issue. Server down. Whatever it was, you always answered.
Now you are on the other side. You are calling somebody at 3am with your problem. They say — let me get back to you. Wait a minute. I always answer. Now you are not answering me?
That flip is a real feature of the role reversal. Not every advisor should be available 24/7 — that is not the standard for consulting engagements. But when you have been the always-available person for decades, being on the receiving end of “let me get back to you” is genuinely disorienting. Naming this feature helps you not treat every non-immediate response as a failure of the engagement.
The Chinese Proverb — And The Reversal That Matters More
There is an old Chinese proverb — “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” I want to reverse it. When the teacher shows up, sometimes the student has to be ready to learn.
Look at yourself and ask the question:
- Am I willing to be that student?
- Am I willing to learn what my new mentor, consultant, or advisor is willing to teach me?
- Am I willing to be uncomfortable with not knowing something?
- Am I willing to defer to their expertise where they have it, while still holding my own where I have it?
If the honest answer is no — get somebody else. Not because you cannot benefit from advisors, but because you are not currently in the state where their teaching can land. The frustration you feel is telling you something important. Either the advisor is wrong for you, or you are not ready to be their student, or some combination of both. The Chinese proverb reversal is the diagnostic that surfaces which of the three is actually happening.
If you are looking to sell your business in the next zero to thirty-six months, doing at least $2 million a year in revenue with a ten percent profit margin, the deal hotline is 888-DEAL-919. One of the team members will get back to you. No deal is too big.
Related cluster reading: why you need a therapist on your exit team, the founder’s post-sale identity crisis, how the fear of acceptance can ruin a business exit.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the common frustration business owners feel with consultants?
The role reversal. Business owners have spent decades being the expert others called for answers. When they hire a consultant, they suddenly become the client taking advice instead of the expert giving it. The mind is not built to flip this direction easily. Naming the pattern as structural rather than personal is the first step to working through it.
Why do business owners struggle to take advice after decades of giving it?
Because the identity of “expert in my industry” and the identity of “student learning something new” activate different mental modes. Someone who has answered thousands of 3am calls from their team feels genuinely disoriented being on the receiving end of “let me get back to you.” The frustration is not a character flaw — it is a predictable feature of the role reversal.
How do you know if an advisor is limiting your growth?
Watch for the pattern where they question decisions you have already worked through, insist their word is gospel, get upset when you push back, or advocate for their preferred outcome even when it is not in your best interest. Advisors who want their ego stroked and treat disagreement as insubordination are limiting your growth. Attorneys and tax professionals with book-based authority are different — they can throw a book at you saying “this is wrong” and be correct.
Should you get multiple opinions before major business decisions?
Yes, especially for large financial or high-impact decisions. Consultants and advisors have limits on what they know. Running the same question past two or three qualified professionals reduces the risk that a single perspective steers you wrong. Multiple opinions also help you distinguish between decisions where professionals agree, disagree, or where you actually know more than they do.
What is the difference between a consultant and an attorney or CPA?
Attorneys and CPAs have book-based authority. A tax attorney can throw the tax code at you and say “this is what the law says.” An M&A attorney can point to specific case precedent. Consultants have opinion-based authority. Their advice is informed by experience, not by legal or regulatory citation. Both are valuable — but the difference in authority matters when you are evaluating whether to accept their recommendation.
Why do some advisors want their ego stroked?
Because their engagement structure rewards being the smartest person in the room. When you push back on their advice, they experience it as a challenge to their expertise and their business model at the same time. Advisors who have made peace with being one input among several are much easier to work with than advisors who need every recommendation validated.
How do you reconcile your knowledge with your consultant’s advice?
Recognize that you will know more than they do about some things and less about others. Balance both sides. Do not defer completely to their expertise — you have decades of context they will never fully understand. Do not dismiss their expertise — they see patterns across many businesses you have not seen. Reconciliation is holding both realities simultaneously without collapsing to either extreme.
What does the Chinese proverb “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear” mean for hiring advisors?
The reversal matters more. When the teacher shows up, the student has to be ready to learn. If you cannot be the student — cannot tolerate being uncomfortable with not knowing, cannot defer to expertise where it exists, cannot let go of needing to be right — the advisor cannot help you regardless of their competence. The frustration is the signal that either the advisor is wrong for you, you are not ready to be their student, or both.
Why does the 3am support flip pattern reveal advisor quality?
Because it exposes the reality that you have been the always-available person for decades and now you are receiving “let me get back to you.” Not every advisor should be available 24/7 — that is not the standard for consulting. But your emotional response to normal advisor response times reveals whether you have made peace with the role reversal or are still fighting it internally.
What do you do when your advisor questions decisions you’ve already made?
Distinguish between advisors questioning decisions with book-based authority (attorneys citing law, CPAs citing tax code) versus advisors questioning decisions from personal preference or limited experience. The first category deserves serious weight. The second category deserves polite acknowledgment and continued execution of your original decision. Advisors who cannot accept the second response may be limiting your growth.
Full Transcript
Sometimes when it comes to selling a business, or growing a business, or scaling a business, there is a frustration that comes with dealing with consultants. What is that frustration? Why does it matter? What do you need to know about it? Why does it affect you and stop you from progress? This is a fantastic question. I am Scott Sylvan Bell coming to you live from Consulting Secrets on a perfect day to talk about business exit strategies, business growth, business scale, and a fantastic day to talk about you.
What ends up happening is business owners, entrepreneurs, practitioners are used to being the ones with the answers. Then when we hire a consultant, an advisor, a coach, a friend of a friend, an attorney, a CPA, a tax attorney — they know more than we do. This can be frustrating because we are not used to being on the receiving end. We are used to giving directives, giving advice, and now we are taking directives and taking advice. The mind is not made to easily flip in this direction.
Be aware — you are not the only one this happens to. This is the same on the other side of the table for anytime you engage a consultant or advisor. Even those who tell you they do not have an ego — they do. Everybody has got some type of ego.
I have sold homes in the past. Real estate agents are different than commercial real estate agents. Some of them know their stuff — great. Some of them do not. When they do not, this is frustrating. When it is a friend of a friend, you try to work through it and have them not lose face. You get more frustrated over time.
I was once selling a business with an advisor. The advisor knew a lot. But he was questioning my decisions. He would say — that is not something I have done before, Scott. That is fine with me — because I had done a lot of the work before I hired him. His limitation was not the whole picture. He got upset. He was an advisor with limitations, thinking his word was gospel. It was not. That is very different than a tax attorney who can throw a book at you and say — this is wrong. Or an attorney working through legal reasons.
Sometimes advisors want their ego stroked. They say things that are not in your best interest. Or they do not want you making a decision because it is not what they would have made. Not what I would recommend, they say.
The consultant is your consultant. You are paying them for advice, coaching, and hopefully expertise. Look for whether they are willing to grow with you, or is it their way or the highway. Not always about their ego and their expertise — sometimes it is about you and your knowledge. You have to reconcile what you know with what the consultant is telling you. Sometimes you know more, sometimes they know more. You have to balance both sides because you are taking in a lot of information you may not want to hear or want to disagree with.
Especially if you are making a giant financial decision — a really impactful decision — talk to more than one consultant or advisor. Get multiple opinions when the consequences are big.
There is a gray area. Sometimes consultants do not tell you the whole truth. Sometimes they do not want you to know. Sometimes they do not want you to make a different decision. Sometimes they want to work with you and are willing to grow with you. Sometimes they say — I am not sure. Or — this is the way it should be. Sometimes it comes down to interpretation of law, of contract. The way this contract is written can be interpreted a couple of different ways. Or — I have seen it done this way, but I have also seen it done this way too. You have to trust the person you are working with. Just like you trust me right now.
Be aware that you can have these frustrations. They come because you know the answers in the industry you have been in. You know all the good stuff, you know all the tricks, you know all the ropes. Now you are across the table. Been called at 3am for problems? Now you are on the other side, calling somebody at 3am with a problem, and they say — let me get back to you. Well, wait a minute. I always answer, and now you are not answering me? It is a difference.
There is an old Chinese proverb that says — when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. I want to reverse it. When the teacher shows up, sometimes the student has to be ready to learn. Look at yourself and say — am I willing to be that student? Am I willing to learn what my new mentor, consultant, or advisor is willing to teach me? If not, get somebody else.
